Hola! As people in Italy say to say "hi." Or is it Spain? I don't know. They're all the same country to me. Anyway, I'm back to writing here on the best blog on earth 616. But before delving into any (un) structured rambling, let me first write a big literary hug to my colleague Vinny! Thanks for the call, and care, brother.
And now, for some serious stuff. Serious indeed, because we're talking videogaming... and the church! Wait, the two things don't have nothing in common? It may appear so, at first glance, but bear with me a second here. Videogaming is everywhere now, from mobile softwares that keep casual gamers entertained for halves of hours while commuting on the train, or waiting in line, to massive open-world products that last hours and hours, and hours. What's more, in addition to new games coming out every month, companies are re-mastering old masterpieces, enhancing them in graphics and gameplay (When they're not lazy). Not only that, most triple-A games produced nowadays offer big, immersive worlds players can explore in all their recesses, where they can always find new things to do and craft besides the main adventure; where they can easily spend tens and tens of hours.
So, with so much stuff to choose from every month, it goes without saying that it’s easy to feel confused. The contemporary gamer is faced every time with stifling dilemmas like “Should I play a new game that just came out, or should I go back to that old gem of gaming history that just got republished?” Or, even worse, after how many hours can one feel satisfied enough with a very long game that would take ages to beat?
Well, have no fear.
These have been crucial questions plaguing our daily lives, until now. I can boldly say that these aren’t a problem anymore, all thanks to the church. Yes, because I have just recently unearthed and translated an old ecclesiastical document of the utmost significance and stature, that will definitely put to silence all these doubts. Yes, it is true. It so happens that I, Fred, came into possession of the fabled chart of the rules of gaming, or the charta ludorum. This mythical document was written as a section of the much bigger De rerum budellorum matrum vestrarum, the famous encyclical written by the anti-pope Cervosi in the 15th century. There exists more legend than fact around this mysterious encyclical, which was initially written as a manual covering all aspects of practical life in admonishment for the corrupt customs of the time, but which then got lost in the sands of time, though after having wreaked havoc in the contemporary ecclesiastical community. The figure of Cervosi himself is shrouded in mystery too. According the most reliable sources, he was the third Tuscan antipope, the first of the Livorno line, elected after the two Pisa antipopes Filargo and Cossa. However, different and contradictory accounts of his life exist, causing scholars endless debate as to what really happened.
Well, have no fear.
These have been crucial questions plaguing our daily lives, until now. I can boldly say that these aren’t a problem anymore, all thanks to the church. Yes, because I have just recently unearthed and translated an old ecclesiastical document of the utmost significance and stature, that will definitely put to silence all these doubts. Yes, it is true. It so happens that I, Fred, came into possession of the fabled chart of the rules of gaming, or the charta ludorum. This mythical document was written as a section of the much bigger De rerum budellorum matrum vestrarum, the famous encyclical written by the anti-pope Cervosi in the 15th century. There exists more legend than fact around this mysterious encyclical, which was initially written as a manual covering all aspects of practical life in admonishment for the corrupt customs of the time, but which then got lost in the sands of time, though after having wreaked havoc in the contemporary ecclesiastical community. The figure of Cervosi himself is shrouded in mystery too. According the most reliable sources, he was the third Tuscan antipope, the first of the Livorno line, elected after the two Pisa antipopes Filargo and Cossa. However, different and contradictory accounts of his life exist, causing scholars endless debate as to what really happened.
However, this is not the main point here. What is important is that after long and painful research I have brought to light an excerpt of the gaming document. How this came to pass is of small concern here, and the details cannot be disclosed at the moment, as the truth would probably shake the foundations of our society. Therefore, I will concentrate on reporting the contents here, with its main articles translated from ecclesiastical Latin into modern English. Here they are:
1) The game does not dominate you. You dominate the game.
2) Fun is the core of gaming. This should be the principle of all your gaming enterprises.
3) When the fun stops, it is allowed that you may stop the game.
4) Second chances may be given to games reputed dull or boring, but only in the exceptional circumstances that the tedium originated from the player being tired, upset or, more in general, in any perturbed state that prevented his full lucidity while gaming.
5) When in doubt between a game for a current-gen console, and a past gem that everybody tells you you should play, always prefer the current generation one. You paid for the new machine, so you’d better get your money’s worth.
6) As for those who tell you you should have played this and that, well, just to hell with them.
7) In considering when you should deem yourself satisfied with an endless open-world RPG, and whether you got your money’s worth, apply the golden rule of "one hour of playing for each monetary unit you paid": so, 1 hour for 1 Euro, 1 hour for 1 Dollar, and so on. When you have played as much as you have spent, you can rightfully say you completed the game. Woe betide to anyone who says the contrary.
8) In the case of borrowed games, the rule obviously does not apply. Simply starting the game once will suffice.
9) HD remasters are to be considered worthy only when there is a considerable gameplay improvement, together with the graphical one. Or if it’s Final Fantasy, of course.
10) Local multiplayer is the only truthful form of multiplayer. No other form shall ever exist.
These where the first articles that I got. But Cervosi is thought to have written a good deal more. I will do my best to report his other words on these pages later on, as soon as I acquire larger parts of his encyclical. Yet, even in the present form, I guess they simplify things a great deal. If we stick to these rules, we’re all going to be happier gamers. Thank you for your wisdom, Cervosi.
Alla prossima,
Fred
1) The game does not dominate you. You dominate the game.
2) Fun is the core of gaming. This should be the principle of all your gaming enterprises.
3) When the fun stops, it is allowed that you may stop the game.
4) Second chances may be given to games reputed dull or boring, but only in the exceptional circumstances that the tedium originated from the player being tired, upset or, more in general, in any perturbed state that prevented his full lucidity while gaming.
5) When in doubt between a game for a current-gen console, and a past gem that everybody tells you you should play, always prefer the current generation one. You paid for the new machine, so you’d better get your money’s worth.
6) As for those who tell you you should have played this and that, well, just to hell with them.
7) In considering when you should deem yourself satisfied with an endless open-world RPG, and whether you got your money’s worth, apply the golden rule of "one hour of playing for each monetary unit you paid": so, 1 hour for 1 Euro, 1 hour for 1 Dollar, and so on. When you have played as much as you have spent, you can rightfully say you completed the game. Woe betide to anyone who says the contrary.
8) In the case of borrowed games, the rule obviously does not apply. Simply starting the game once will suffice.
9) HD remasters are to be considered worthy only when there is a considerable gameplay improvement, together with the graphical one. Or if it’s Final Fantasy, of course.
10) Local multiplayer is the only truthful form of multiplayer. No other form shall ever exist.
These where the first articles that I got. But Cervosi is thought to have written a good deal more. I will do my best to report his other words on these pages later on, as soon as I acquire larger parts of his encyclical. Yet, even in the present form, I guess they simplify things a great deal. If we stick to these rules, we’re all going to be happier gamers. Thank you for your wisdom, Cervosi.
Alla prossima,
Fred
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